MARCH 2016 - Sexual Identity

I recently had lunch with a group of youth pastors here in Colorado Springs. The local ministry that hosted the lunch goes into health classes in area high schools for 4 straight days to teach biblical principles (of course not straight up using the Bible) for living a life of purpose, making healthy and wise choices, establishing boundaries in relationships, and having the courage to stand up for others. They have yet to be allowed in one of the public high schools because the administrators say that parents are discussing all of these issues at home.

I wish this was true, but 15 years of experience in youth ministry has revealed that many families are not discussing these topics at home. Parents can be especially intimidated by the topic of sexual identity. We often have very good intentions. With the busyness of life, we often do not move to action. Sometimes we avoid these topics because we do not feel equipped to begin the discussion.

I love my parents and am thankful they pointed me to Christ, but we never had a discussion on anything regarding the topic of sex. The only thing I was ever told at home or at church was, "DON'T HAVE SEX!" Everything I learned as a preteen and teenager came from discussions on the school bus, talk at school, Hollywood, and personal experimentation. I figured if I was not crossing the one big boundary, than everything else was okay. As a teenager growing up in the early 90's, same-sex attraction was definitely not openly discussed by anyone.

On Wednesday nights throughout the month of February, we have looked at what God's word says about our sexual identity. I am passionate about this topic because God felt it important enough to include in his Holy Word. I wonder if I would have made different decisions as a teenager if someone had been more open with me about why God has called us to a life of sexual purity. When we are completely silent on the issue, than we allow our children to develop unhealthy attitudes that are not grounded in God's Word. I would much rather have our teenagers views of sexual intimacy and sexual identity be formed by the truth of scripture than the lies of social media, Hollywood, and mainstream news. I respect that some of our families decided their child was not quite ready to attend our series this month, but I do hope that in the right timing, all of our families will be very intentional about discussing this topic at home. Though perhaps uncomfortable, too much is at risk to never bring up the conversation.

Here is a summary of what we have been teaching during our series. God created us in his image and our purpose and value in life is found in Him. While God created us as sexual beings, he did not intend for us to find our overall identity in our sexual preferences. I will come back to this later in discussing same-sex attraction. There are so many other unique interests, gifts, and abilities that shape us as an individual. God's desire is that ultimately we would find our identity in Christ alone.

God looked upon Adam in the garden and saw that he would never find true companionship among the animals. If Adam could have looked forward to all the eventual conflict that would come, perhaps he might have settled for just a dog. I am JUST KIDDING ladies! He put Adam into a deep sleep, opened up his side, and from Adam's side he created a companion and complement, Eve. The woman was like Adam in one regard, yet also very intentionally different from him as well. This pattern of pairs that complement yet are different can be seen throughout the creation story: sun/moon, morning/evening, day/night, sea/land, plants/animals, heaven/earth.

When God says in Genesis 2:24 that a man will leave his family and experience a one flesh union with his wife, he is establishing the divine order for marriage, family, and sexual intimacy. For Adam, this joining of one flesh was a reunion with the woman who had been created from his side. Sexual intimacy between a husband and wife is intended to be a picture of the intimacy among the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It also represents the relationship between Christ and his bride, the church. Marriage is the joining of lives, the one flesh union of one man and one woman for life. This is not just a physical union, but it is also an emotional and spiritual union as well.

When you carefully study scripture, it appears that God places a greater weight on sexual immorality. All sin is sin, but sexual immorality seems to be more serious. I believe this is because of what marriage and sexual intimacy are meant to represent. The definition I offered for sexual immorality is ANYTHING that provides sexual pleasure or fulfillment outside of the boundaries of marriage. For some people this could include holding hands, a long hug, a gentle kiss, or longing thoughts and most definitely includes lust, masturbation, pornography, heavy kissing, oral sex, and petting.  Sexual immorality is also anything that violates God's intentions for marriage such as infidelity, divorce for reasons not permitted in scripture, and homosexuality.

While marriage is God's plan for most people, there is great value in singleness as well. We often treat single people as if they have a disease, and we can have an attitude that singleness is an inferior state of existence. A single person often feels like and is treated like an incomplete person. A spouse is meant to complement us but not complete us. Christ alone can fill our deepest needs for significance and fulfill our deepest desires to be loved and truly known.

Finally, we talked about same-sex attraction and homosexuality. Genesis 1& 2 gives us the divine order for marriage and sexual intimacy. Leviticus establishes that homosexuality is an abomination. This is the only sin in the category of sexual immorality that is listed as an abomination. Jesus reaffirms the divine order for marriage in Matthew 19. In Romans 1, Paul goes back to the story of creation to show that homosexuality is an exchange of natural relations for unnatural relations.

Statistics show that 4 to 6% of teenagers struggle with same-sex attraction while only 1-3% are actually engaged in homosexual behavior. I do not believe this attraction in and of itself is a sin. We are all born with a sinful nature and have a propensity for certain sins. We are all tempted. Even Jesus was tempted, but it becomes sin when we give in to temptation and act on our worldly desires. Same-sex attraction is most often not chosen by those who struggle with that attraction. Scientists cannot pinpoint any one factor that determines why people have an attraction to the same-sex. For some this attraction is a passing phase. Others do go on to get married to someone of the opposite sex.  Some Christians who struggle with same-sex attraction choose to live a life of celibacy.

If a teenager uses the term gay as a descriptive word for their life, we should not automatically assume they are involved in homosexual activity or that they are an evil person.  Some choose this description because of their same-sex attraction. We rarely hear the testimonies of Christians who struggle with same-sex attraction but have made the decision to honor and follow Christ by not pursuing that attraction. The story of those whose same-sex attraction was redeemed by marriage to a Godly spouse is rarely given a platform.  I've heard of a number of such stories just the past month. Teens struggling with same-sex attraction often are longing for deeper friendships and a place to be accepted.  By automatically throwing a Gay or Homosexual label on them in the church, our rejection often pushes them toward the LGBT community.

The mainstream LGBT community would have us believe this flow of thinking: Same-sex attraction = homosexual orientation = Gay identity = homosexual behavior. Our message of truth and grace to those struggling with same-sex attraction is that they do not have to assume a Gay identity. Christ is so much greater and better than our sexual desires.  Those struggling with same-sex attraction can find their identity in Christ, and they can make a choice not to engage in homosexual behavior.

This is an intense topic, but I am thankful God guides us by the truth of his Word. We live in a sex-saturated society. Many of our teenagers grow up thinking sex is the ultimate experience in life. If you are married, you know sexual intimacy with your spouse is a blessing, but Jesus is still so much better. I continue to be challenged by Paul's command to us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. What we believe about ourselves and our identity affects the way we live our lives. It is crucial that as Christians we understand who we are in Christ. May we strive to show our children and the world that an identity found in Christ is so much greater than anything else. Ultimate fulfillment and identification in life was never intended to be found in our sexual identity.