MARCH 2015 - Role of a Parent in Sexual Purity

In preparing for our Worth the Wait series this past month, I spent a lot of time studying scripture, reading, and researching about sexual purity and sexual immorality.  Parents, you may not realize it in the midst of the conflict, turmoil, and lack of interest you may experience with your teenager, but the bottom line is YOU still have the greatest influence in their life.  As Christian parents, I hope we would all say that we want our children to live a life of sexual purity that bring honor and glory to the Lord Jesus.  Across my reading, here are some important things you can do as a parent to help your teenager live a life of purity. 

1.        Be involved in their life and develop your relationship with them. 

Too often parents either maintain too strong a grip as managers over every aspect of their teen’s life or they back off completely and give their teen all the freedom in the world.  Neither of these is healthy or really shows much of a relationship.  Your teenager needs you involved in their life.  They also need a relationship with you where you spend meaningful time together and have conversations about meaningful things.  Your involvement in their life also helps them avoid other risky behavior. 

2.        Talk about sex and your values

I grew up in a Christian home and my parents NEVER talked to me about sex.  I hear many adults and teenagers say the same thing.  It might be weird and uncomfortable at first.  Your teen may even resist and say they don’t feel like talking about it, BUT they ARE LISTENING!   Sex is not dirty or shameful, rather it is a beautiful gift from God for a man and woman who have joined their lives together in a covenant of marriage.  Help your teen understand sex and marriage are cheapened and destroyed when we try to meet our sexual desires outside of the union of a husband and a wife. 

3.       High level of supervision. 

This goes back to being involved in the life of your teen.  They need boundaries and they need you keeping a close eye on their business.  You would never give a child a weapon and then let them play with it and figure out how to use it on their own.  Sexual desire is a powerful desire within most of us that can be very destructive when not controlled.  We are asking for trouble when we leave our teens alone to try to figure it all out or do not provide wise boundaries for them. 

4.        Stay together 

The health of your own marriage is vital to the way your teen views marriage and sexual purity.  If you are struggling in your marriage, go to a counselor or make an appointment with a pastor.  Your marriage has a huge impact and influence on the future marriage of your teen. 

5.       Set boundaries about dating

The earlier a teenager begins making close romantic attachments, the more likely they are to become sexually active.  God wired us so that when we develop an emotional or romantic connection with someone, the desire for a physical connection is there as well.  This is why Song of Solomon wisely tells us not to awaken or arouse love before it desires.   I encourage students to just be friends at this point in life and hang out with the opposite sex in large groups.  Also, the likelihood of sexual activity increases when there is greater than a 2 year age gap between a guy and a girl in a relationship in high school. 

6.        A Father’s role is huge

Dad’s, you should treat your wife like a queen and your daughter like princess.  Our daughters have a need for affection and reassuring words of their worth and value in Christ.  When a girl has no father or has a father who doesn’t provide affection and a reassurance of value and worth, then she is much more likely to seek that out in a boyfriend and through sexual involvement. 

Parents, many of you would be shocked to know the ways in which your teenager struggles or is tempted in the area of sexual purity.  They need our involvement, our love, our prayers, a Christ-like example, and they need us to have these tough conversations with them.